No glucose testing, no med reports (well, maybe one)...
...and very nearly no journal entry.
    I awoke this morning feeling, well, not good; a combination of physical and emotional not good. I noticed yesterday what I thought was an ear infection. It was some sort of an abscess in my ear that apparently burst last night. That might have led to my extreme lethargy today. Something else was still hitting Mom, I don't know what but I didn't have the energy to battle it. She spent most of the day in bed. I went back to bed after an early, hard morning and decided not to bother with our regular routine except to make sure Mom remained fairly well hydrated and internally bathed in oxygen.
    Since she didn't eat this morning, she refused although she looked good and drank water and coffee, I didn't give her any diabetic medication or anything else. She was up for less than an hour. I went back to bed, fell asleep in a tight fetal position (which is almost unheard of for me) after having only early coffee, which did nothing to enliven me, and re-awoke about 1330 still inordinately sad and physically low but unable to sleep anymore. Mom awoke soon after...I knew she was going to, she had begun to cough...she always coughs just before she awakens.
    So, little by little, as we played best 3 out of 5 Sorry and a very interesting game of Scrabble, she ate and drank: Orange juice, popcorn, V-8 juice (all these preceded by a glipizide). Later in the evening I made us bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwiches, gave her 1000 mg metformin and coaxed her to drink water all evening, topping everything off with a Detrol before she went to bed at 2200.
    This afternoon and evening I revived some, noticed that my ear no longer hurt and that it had been draining and installed a paper towel rack below a kitchen cabinet and cup hooks on the upper shelf of our entertainment center, which was recently christened a dining room hutch.
    Oddly, none of my sadness was about my situation here with my mother. At first it was amorphous, so it was probably catalyzed by the ear infection; then, it was a general tiredness, both physical and emotional, even as I revived. At any rate, I'm lucky that my "situation here with my mother" allows for an occasional day when neither she nor I can hack the medical routine anymore and we both give in to, well, whatever we gave in to today.
- posted by gail rae @ 22:45  0 comments   email...this post

 
I'm still sort of wandering over here...
...so bear with me as I halt into starting.
    Although Mom awoke at a decent time of her own accord and looked peachy warming her back in the sun at the dining room table (our dining room is more like a large breakfast nook), I got the distinct impression that she was going to beg off our plans, which would entail a fairly busy day today. I can't tell you what my indicator was but I knew that she actually wanted to spend a fair amount of time in bed today.
    I did what I thought was heading her off at the pass. I announced that if she didn't want to go on the short, piddly errands I'd let her stay home through those but going to Costco and the grocery would be invigorating for her, we'd take the oxygen, blah, blah, blah...she's heard it all before and sometimes it's worked. She wasn't having any of it this morning but since I promised her extra bed time after breakfast (more or less, she stayed up for 2 hours after breakfast), she agreed to a long, oxygenated trip, later.
    Between the time Mom finished breakfast and I left alone for what turned out to be all the errands, A[dear]PF and I chatted on the phone a couple of times. She is always interested in how my mother is so I told her that I was trying to rev her up for a decently active afternoon but I could feel her physical resistance to anything but a day of sleep and she'd already had more than a few laconic days. My friend cut in and told me about one of her friends, a year or so over 90, who always complains that it takes her a month to acclimate to Prescott no matter how long she's been gone. During that month she spends "sometimes whole days and nights" sleeping.
    I rethought today's strategy. If she was going to be sleeping and I couldn't get her to do anything else and, one way or another, would give in to her, at least I could see to it that she was bathing herself in oxygen throughout the entire day. That should give her a fine start on tomorrow.
    When I left early in the afternoon Mom had been in bed for 30 minutes or so. I had told her I'd be back after the few short errands to see if she wanted to go to the grocery with me. Although she acknowledged what I'd said, her eyes had begun to roll blissfully back into her head. I replayed the scenario as I drove from errand to errand and finally decided to give her a treat and let her sleep. I knew I'd have to control for dehydration tonight and that wouldn't be fun for her, but I could feel, this morning, her need for sleep and after my discussions with A[dear]PF, I decided a day of morphic luxury for Mom was all right.
    She has been mentioning, as well, lately, that she wanted something sweet. I've been pretty good at gently dissuading her, since her blood glucose has been spiking without the benefit of refined sugar, thank you. But today I decided to get her some cheesecake and spring it on her if her blood sugar wasn't too far out of whack this evening, considering that she wouldn't have the benefit of 500 mg metformin in the afternoon. I needn't have worried. Her blood sugar was 71. So I gave her a second 500 mg metformin at dinner and a third two hours later during dessert. I expect her to read good in the morning. Although she'll be slow to move I think we'll manage to get out on our "adventure", the one we put off doing today.
- posted by gail rae @ 22:43  0 comments   email...this post

 
A member of the book club told me, last night...
...that her mother, this last year, made a significant and unexpected recovery to former competence at 91. She said that around December of last year her family thought, "this is it," then her mother not only made a spectacular recovery (from what, no one is sure) but has been raised from assisted living at her living facility to independent living.
    I'm glad she told me this. I'm always pleased to hear when Ancient Ones get second winds. No one expects them to, but they do anyway. I don't think my mother will every qualify, again, for any kind of "independent living"; she's 'made the decision' (and, I believe it was a decision, and it was not a bad decision) that she does not want to deal with a lot of life stuff anymore, including paying bills, etc. That's okay with me. I can do all that and, in some ways, I've learned things I'd never have learned otherwise.
    Of course I don't know exactly the definition of "independent living" at a facility for the elderly and infirm. So, I don't know, maybe it's something Mom would be able to do.
    At any rate, this situation, me with her, seems to be working. I'm glad. This way all of us in the family have a reliable, detailed, worry free source of information on my mother. If I was unable to do this for my mother I would wish I had a sibling who could.
    Tomorrow we are going on what both my oldest sister and my mother independently referred to as an "adventure". Mom and I are going to check out at least one hotel for MCS/BIL, maybe more. I mentioned to MCS, when she referred to the reconnaissance mission as an "adventure" that I actually enjoyed the adventurous sense that surrounds life when you're living it closely with an Ancient One. She confirmed that she is also experiencing this with her grandchildren, for whom she cares three days a week. Lately, flowers, she said, have been an adventure. I agreed that flowers have wonderful adventure possibilities for both New Ones and Ancient Ones.
    "Yes," she said, "[Her grandson] pulls the petals off and hands me what's left. [Her granddaughter] eats them and hands me what's left."
    Somehow, I identify with this, living here with Mom.
- posted by gail rae @ 22:37  0 comments   email...this post

 
I think it will be an at home day...
...although previously I thought it would be a 'going to Mesa to partially close the house down there' day. I believe Mom when she says she's physically tired, although her later blood sugar readings will tell whether it's her body that's taking some much deserved rest or her mind. Her blood sugar usually remains in control if her body is resting. If her mind is junking out her blood sugar goes up. I think it's okay for the latter to sometimes happen.
    This morning she remembered last night's book club meeting. She remarked several times after we arrived home how much she enjoyed it. This morning it was the first thing on her mind.
    I'll probably be spending much time on the internet tweaking the site. I'm beefing up the Essays section, little by little, in both quantity and quality (and eye candy).
    I'm sure I'll have more to say...
    ...later.
- posted by gail rae @ 12:30  0 comments   email...this post

 
Am I becoming blood glucose obsessed again?
    Yeah, it would be fair to say I am. Because of the quirky way we ate today I had to know what her level was when we arrived home from the book club: 100.
    I wasn't sure, after the last few days, what to expect. I was hoping that my medication modifications would help. However, today (Thursday), well, she had a normal early breakfast, nachos for a late lunch and I never found a time when she had been fasting for at least two hours. I read a few months ago that glipizide works best when administered in a fasting state; second best when administered at least two hours after having eaten and a half hour before eating again. The only part of this regimen that happened today was the half hour before eating part. She snacked on popcorn and V-8 juice before we went to the book club meeting then ate a nice little meal of cheese, crackers, a berry strudel-like creation and a slice of vanilla/chocolate cheesecake, washing it all down with "the pink wine". And, her blood sugar was 100 at almost 10 this evening.
    I learned something, tonight. I'm not sure what, but I feel grounded in how I'm approaching her blood sugar.
    Time for bed.
    Later.
- posted by gail rae @ 00:33  0 comments   email...this post

 
Days like today...
...make me wonder how much we as a species really know about life blood glucose histories. She's running classically high today in everything including her vitality. I can't argue with success, although I have no idea to whom or what the success is owed.
    Lately I've wondered what her blood sugar used to run when she was teaching, we were all in school and she'd pop caramels all day then bolster herself with a dish of ice cream at 2300 or midnight. Do we really know, I wonder, what's normal for blood glucose across the board? Is it possible to run high or at least spikey all your life and avoid the degenerations typical of diabetics, all of them linked through the certainty of kidney disease, the classic version of which my mother does not have?
    Although her day has not included much exercise, she's been meeting old friends and is due to reunite with others tonight. I've been telling her that I'd prefer she use the oxygen tonight but, you know, maybe we'll wait. She used oxygen throughout her nap and she is pink (just this side of an unusually iron rich red) and alert. She looks good. Her hair stylist here loves to experiment on Mom and she did so today, in celebration of our reunion, I think.
    Walking into the salon was like watching a debugged program kick in. Mom swore before this morning that she didn't remember the salon. We drove by it yesterday but it didn't fire across any synapses. Today though, when she walked in, everything snapped into place and she trotted right over to the sitting area. I'm sure she recognized her hair stylist. We were all delighted to be back together. My mother even countered my version of events since a year ago today, the day we left for Mesa because her feet were swelling unnaturally. The day this all began.
    Time to get ready to go to the book club meeting.
    thankyou
- posted by gail rae @ 17:35  0 comments   email...this post

 
I am posting, immediately, a very curious blood glucose day...
...in that it is looking frighteningly familiar. I'll add commentary, here, later.
- posted by gail rae @ 23:44  0 comments   email...this post

 
She was...
...very hard to move, this morning (that's Tuesday morning). When I decided to awaken her at 0915 and take her with me on all errands she was sleeping what I think of as a death sleep or being comatose. I felt bad but I also knew some of this was due to her unmanageable blood sugar spike yesterday which I thought I might have treated.
    No such luck. Although she was game for breakfast and was up an hour she begged off the first errand, getting purified water and picking up a few fresh salad vegetables at the grocery.
    I routed her out of bed again when I returned about an hour later. I decided that she would use the portable oxygen on our trip, including at Costco. She balked, saying that she didn't want anyone to think she needed it. I insisted, explaining once again how it is not simply a lifelong nuisance, it is therapy which she can use in a way to strengthen her lungs, her body, and thus enjoy life more. As I spouted this propaganda she liked it.
    At Costco, luckily, there were two robust elders on portable oxygen. I did not go out of my way to point them out to her but I saw her looking at them. I mentioned them later. She did not remember seeing them. She was, however, completely comfortable with the oxygen during our trek through Costco.
    Her stamina during the Costco visit was remarkable enough so that she commented on it. She had no desire to rest and wheeled about from sampling kiosk to sampling kiosk. We needed only a few things but we did the store. Traffic in the store was unusually light, which was good. She decided, on her own, to peruse the Christmas section, including the edibles, although she did not reach for any.
    When I got the 214 reading prior to lunch, after she'd spent the entire morning in bed except for the two hours involving the Costco trip, I hustled her. Lunch was light, and one of her favorites: cottage cheese with lots of black pepper, 12 oz V-8 juice and about half a bag of popcorn. Her snacking at Costco didn't create a problem, as she came in one point above normal just before dinner.
    I administered metformin at each meal today. I've also been spending the day preparing her for our busy day tomorrow which will include her first appointment with her Prescott hair stylist in a year and a book club meeting tomorrow night. She was energetic this evening and is looking forward to everything.
    So am I.
- posted by gail rae @ 00:30  0 comments   email...this post

 
You can stay up here if you want to," she said tonight,
"it's very nice here and I've enjoyed it but I've got to get home. I think I'll go back tomorrow. You know, I've got one kitty there I've got to take care of." Her voice was matter of fact and intimate.
    I laughed. I should explain something here. When I say I laugh (in a manner which can be construed as 'at her' and, truthfully, it usually isn't 'with her'), to which I often admit when telling about one of my mother's creative mental episodes, it is always joyous laughter. I love it when my mother takes me on an unexpected trip. Once she solicits my involvement, the trip usually shortens considerably, depending on how important it is to enjoy the ride or correct her, but my laughter, when she launches us, is always of the felicitously unexpected variety, and loaded with, well, joy. Yes. Joy.
    Anyway, I laughed. "Mom," I said, "you are home, for the time being. And both your kitties are here. So, you can relax and enjoy yourself."
    She looked startled. She scanned the corners of the room on cat reconnaissance. "But, I haven't seen them. I don't believe either of them is here."
    "They're still hiding out from us moving the furniture, Mom, but they're here. The Big Girl is underneath the couch, see?"
    "Oh. Yeaup. There she is. That means The Little Girl is alone, then."
    In sauntered The Little Girl, on cue. "No, she's right here."
    Mom looked surprised, almost offended. "Well, when did you bring them up!?!"
    "You and I brought them up Saturday, Mom."
    "Well, do you think they like it?"
    "Oh, yeah! We've been talking for three days about how much they love it up here."
    "Wait a minute. This is Sunday, isn't it?!? Because if it's Monday I've definitely got to get home tomorrow. You can stay here. That's no problem."
    "Mom, it's okay. You're where you're supposed to be. And you're not going anywhere anymore without me."
    She looked at me as though this was new information. Relief swept over her face. "Good," she said. "I don't think I want to live alone anymore."
    "Well good, because I don't want you to, so I'll stay with you."
    I was going to let it drop there but I was a touch discombobulated and I had to know: Did she remember all the serious talks we've had over the last three days about getting rid of the Mesa place and remodeling this to our specifications? I reminded her and asked her if she remembered.
    She thought. Hard. Searched. "Welllll, noooo, but," her voice brightened, "it sounds like a good idea. Let's consider that."
    Whew. That was close.
    Later, I muted the television during a spasm of commercials and told her that if she was still confused we could talk about where we are, where we came from, where we'll be tomorrow and why.
    No, she said, she'll be fine. She just needs to adjust.
    I trust her sense of this. I think she's right.

    No iron today. Her lips are beginning to look like a vampire's after a feeding. I took her off it this morning. She's had two Detrol today but this evening when I rubbed her legs [to my continued delight, she always acts as though me rubbing her legs is an entirely new concept and a great one, not a months' long habit in which we've indulged] I noticed that she was beginning to retain all the water I pushed on her today.
    I hardly overworked her! I did notice that we definitely need to get her eyes checked at the Veteran's Clinic. She had trouble seeing obvious dirt on the floor when she was sweeping. I am aware, too, that she is still compromised by this thin atmosphere. But we've had more than some spectacular days in a row so I'm not surprised that she dragged early.
    We didn't go anyplace today. We may make our first trip back to Mesa to partially close on Thursday. She's slowing down. So, as it turns out, am I. I still have loads more energy than she but I go to bed physically exhausted at night. It's a good feeling. And waking up here is like waking up in heaven. Mom has mentioned this, too. Of course, she's been up and down through the nights so her final wake-up every morning has been late. But Wednesday is a hair day and I think she'll be ready for a scheduled day, again.
    She's doing well. Our household is doing well. I'm doing well.
    thankyou
- posted by gail rae @ 22:25  0 comments   email...this post

 
I laid down for a "short" nap at 1945....
...and awoke at 2130 just as Mom was getting ready for bed. I guess I was exhausted. As well, my feet have been hurting from wearing a pair of shoes that don't fit right. I left the others in Mesa.
    Mom wasn't hungry when I laid down. She awoke about 1900. I put out some popcorn to help regulate her and give her the sense of thirst then set about having her drink water.
    When I awoke I discovered that Mom had been munching popcorn all evening. She claimed not to be hungry. I took her blood sugar and decided to administer her regular dose of glipizide (and one Detrol), even though she wasn't taking it as per regulation. I suspect I'll have something new to learn about glipizide from Mom's first blood glucose reading, tomorrow.
- posted by gail rae @ 22:58  0 comments   email...this post

 
I want to mention this for my own reference...
...as in a gardener's diary:
    She was exceedingly hard to get going this morning. I guess this is going to be a permanent circumstance.
    She also had a shitting accident. No big deal...it was at home. Which reminds me, I wanted to mention: About a week ago, a day or so after eating something very hot/spicy, I had a shitting accident when I sneezed one morning. The only way I realized it is that suddenly my cheeks felt delightfully warm (I was sitting down when it happened). So now I know how it is Mom can have a shitting accident without realizing it. I'd wondered about this.
    Ask and ye shall receive.
- posted by gail rae @ 17:49  0 comments   email...this post

 
Yes. Well. So, the metformin works...
...with circumspection and reservation. It worked this morning. This afternoon, as we checked out of Target, to which she went with me, without oxygen, at her insistence, after a fairly lengthy trip through the grocery she grabbed a Hershey's with Almonds candy bar from the literal eye candy displayed as one steps up to the register. I okayed the purchase, telling her that she would eat cottage cheese and have a 12 oz. can of V-8 juice first. I also gave her another 425 mg metformin. We'll see what happens this evening.
    She just laid down for a nap. I put her on oxygen. She said "Good night." Freudian slip. I brought it to her attention, laughing. Then I told her that we'd probably be having dinner very late tonight.
    "I might sleep right through till morning."
    "If you do, that's fine. I imagine you'll get up, here and there. You might want popcorn, or something. I'll be up pretty late I think, just shaking it all out. I'll push water on you if I'm up when you get up."
    "I'm sure you will." Said with a loving edge.
    Today while we were driving from place to place I found myself making everything we passed, talked about, looked at, etc., an object lesson, the object being her improving health. In the middle of some inane propaganda piece about how going to Wal-Mart would be "better for her health" than Target, I suddenly realized what I was doing. "Don't you get sick of me constantly ragging on your health, Mom?" I laughed ironically and a little self-deprecatingly.
    "I'm sorry, I didn't understand..."
    I was practically yelling in her ear and, as MPS once pointed out not too long ago, I wasn't born with "an indoor voice" so I knew she'd gotten hung up on a word, probably "ragging". "Bitching at you, nagging you, making everything health related. Don't you hate that?"
    "It's not my favorite way to spend an afternoon." Always the diplomat.
    We were both silent.
    "Well," she finally said, "aren't you going to say something like, 'I won't do it again?'" She was just this loving side of sarcasm.
    I thought about it. "No, because I probably will do it again. I'll try not to do it again today."
    She didn't say anything.
    That's why I said nothing about the candy bar; just dosed her with metformin.
    For those of you who have known my mother's extreme, boulder-like lethargy for the past two and a half years, you would have been truly amazed to see her today. In Prescott. Without oxygen. I'm sorry you weren't here. We would have had a good time.

    Before she closed her eyes for her nap I asked her if she hurt anywhere.
    She focused on me, surprised. "No," she said. "Why, do I have a bruise?"
    "No, I just wondered if you were aching from exercise, if you might want an ibuprofen."
    She wrinkled her nose. "Nah, I don't take that stuff." She's nearly telling the truth. About once every six months or so I find a reason to push one on her, with great difficulty and many campaign promises.
    "Okay. I was just wondering."
    I think we may put off a trip to the Valley to partially close until Tuesday, or Thursday, which I was planning to be our second trip of this week and final closing trip. I think we'll take it slower. I mentioned to her in the car today that I thought we should spend some time at the Square tomorrow. Maybe bring a game and play. Do a little walking and wheeling. She thought that was a great idea. We'll take it a plan at a time.
- posted by gail rae @ 17:41  0 comments   email...this post

 
I think Mom is recovering from the move...
...which isn't quite over, but at least we've relocated base camp. Although she has had more oxygen in the last 36 hours than she has for a long time, the rest of her body needs to adjust and her mind needs to wrap itself a little more firmly around being up here.
   I was a little surprised at her blood glucose reading this morning (just 5 minutes short of noon). I think, if nothing else, it proves that without glipizide, metformin does very little for my mother. She got her glipizide this morning though, and an iron pill and a Detrol (although she's quite dehydrated, but I'm working on that). She's looking good, just stunned tired.
    When I awoke at 0515 (I am irrepressible up here) I noticed it looked as though she had been up a few times in the middle of the night (we went to bed at 2330) hunting for cigarettes. She didn't find any; I can tell because the ashtrays were clean. The reason I know she was up twice is that she filled two separate glasses with water. They were sitting side by side on the table this morning. The first thing she usually does in the middle of the night is fill a glass with water at the kitchen sink then she proceeds to her chair.
    I'm not going to be hard on her today but I'm going to get her moving a little, although she's decided not to take a bath, "yet." We need a few minor necessities so I'm taking her to the grocery. It won't be a long trip and we'll take it slow but I want to get her in the habit of moving a little every day.
    She hasn't mentioned, this morning, any of her fancy talk from yesterday evening about moving up here permanently. We'll see how it goes. I noticed at breakfast, she was breathing in those short, hard sucks, sounding almost like the puff of the OCD in the car yesterday. I put her back on oxygen after she awoke (she took herself off before she stood away from the bed) until she remembered that she smokes and found some cigarettes in her purse (thank god she didn't find them last night). I'm sure she'll need to use oxygen more frequently, up here.
- posted by gail rae @ 13:49  0 comments   email...this post