My problems with this auto-site builder continue.
    Almost all the time I have to spend on the computer is involved in resetting the pages. It's a slow process even though I have copies of everything. Trellix, as a server side piece of software, will not recognize pages uploaded from my computer, thus, will not open them for editing, even though they are displayed normally when accessed. I have to reset all the pages through Trellix so they are available for editing. Thus, this post and, I expect, most of them for the next several days, will be short and sweet, much to those few of my readers' pleasure, I imagine.
    There is something I want to report from yesterday evening. My mother is hard of hearing. This has been the case in one ear since she was a teenager and in the other ear for a few decades. Throughout the years our entire family has continually suggested that when she watches TV I turn on Closed Captioning. She is not comfortable with subtitled movies, though, so I have always accepted her refusal.
    Last night, there was a show on that she and I wanted to watch. Our TV in Mesa, an old one circa the late 70's or early 80's, delivers full, rich sound which is fairly easy for her to interpret. Our Prescott TV, although only 6 years old and both digital and cable ready, has horrible sound that delivers very little mid-range vibration and almost no low-range vibration. It is very difficult for my mother to hear and somewhat scitzy for me to hear. As the volume goes up, sound clarity goes down. My mother became frustrated last night trying to negotiate the program and I was distracted by my efforts to modulate the volume minute-to-minute to her advantage. Finally, on a whim, I decided to turn on Closed Captioning. My mother complained when I triggered but I reminded her that one of the movies we regularly watch that she and I both enjoy is a Dutch movie with English subtitles, Antonia's Line. She has no problem with that.
    Within minutes she was riveted to the set rather than easily distracted by her environment. A half hour into the show when I asked her how she liked CCing.
    She said, as is typical for her, that she "wasn't sure" she "liked it" but the couple of times I played with the CC settings to see what was available to us she complained when the script disappeared from the screen.
    It seems we have solved the problem of her 'hearing' our Prescott television. I'm not sure how I feel about this. On the one hand she is absorbing much more than before. On the other hand, because of the quality of the sound, she has typically watched much less television in Prescott than in Mesa. I think that situation is going to reverse, now. But I'm pleased she is enjoying her programs more.
    "We should have tried this a long time ago, Mom. You know, everybody (in our family) has suggested this for you at one time or another," I said during a commercial toward the end of the show.
    "I believe you're right," she agreed.
    We briefly discussed hearing aids again. When she was watching an Ellen episode that featured Pat Benatar yesterday, I noticed and pointed out to her that Benatar was wearing two hearing aids. I explained to her that hearing loss is typical of many rock stars and some of their fans.
    Although she was intrigued, her final response was (she's so funny, I love this response), "I know one day there'll come a time when I'll have to consider hearing aids. I don't think it's necessary yet."
    I'm thinking that she assumes that maybe when she's 110 hearing aids might be a good idea. My mother: The woman who still believes, at 86, despite her extraordinary practicality about death, that she will never die. This is one of my favorite aspects about her.
- posted by gail rae @ 11:31  0 comments   email...this post

 
I 'm still having major problems with Earthlink/Mindspring's...
...auto site builder, Trellix (I want to be sure and get that name in). I am now beginning to slowly and laboriously readjust and reset my pages. Bear with me...it may be a few days before I get everything back to normal and start posting normally, again.
    After doing a little research, including looking up Trellix on the web, I'm also beginning to understand that the reason Earthlink/Mindspring tech support is not handling this problem adequately is that the provider of the site builder software appears to be in transition itself and may not be providing adequate tech support to their customers. Part of the problem may also be that Earthlink newly belongs to Level3. Those aren't excuses but they are probably hang-ups in the tech support aspect. At any rate, I've figured out a few work arounds and will, in time, begin building (and rebuilding) my pages by hand. I've learned my lesson regarding ISP provided auto-site builders. I'm hoping and expecting my problems to be solved by tech support but I've had so many problems with this auto-site builder that I think I've figured out that it's best not to use online auto-site builders.
    Damn. And, all I was trying to do, when I decided to use it, was to save myself some time. Now, that time is being consumed negotiating the problems with Trellix. Oh well...one more lesson down, millions more to go...
- posted by gail rae @ 01:08  0 comments   email...this post

 
Although we had planned to visit the strangely-built new mall...
...in Prescott today, Mom awoke with the intention of "attacking" her room and that's fine with me. She's moving slowly as usual but seems devoted to remaining "up on end" (one of her historically famous phrases) so this seems like a good day to get her room in order and begin going through her stuff.
    Since we're remaining home and I won't need to negotiate her blood glucose levels through eating at a restaurant or, for that matter, peach cobbler, the rest of which has been frozen, I've decided to try a day without metformin to see how it goes. I'll also be starting her on a modified regimen of detox tea put out by Yogi Tea. I used it briefly a while back and wasn't able to determine whether it helped her but I've been thinking, since I'm using more metformin on her than I anticipated or like using, it might help keep her liver and kidneys in line. The link above goes right to the type of tea I'll be using, which advertises itself as a liver and kidney purifier. I will, of course, report on any determined or assumed effects.
    Regarding our "bad" day, immediately followed by a "good" day: I'm critically aware of how my mood affects my mother's mood. Although typically not affected by other people's moods, the older my mother gets and the more dependent she becomes on those surrounding her, the more likely she is to react, in very subtle ways, to other people's moods, most especially mine. I've learned (and am still learning, obviously) to try to modify what I broadcast at her because she is extraordinarily dependent on me.
    It is extremely interesting for me to become acquainted with my mother as a person dependent on others, as this is a striking change in her life-long approach to life. I am by nature extremely emotional. The control I exert over my emotions is, most of the time, to simply let them flow and express them. Thus, when my mother's dependence is at a high level I allow myself to be deeply affected by her and I show it. I remember some months ago when we were going through one of the worst episodes of her recent and difficult year-long health negotiation, I was so caught up in caring meticulously for my mother that I confided to her Mesa hairdresser, who is also a good friend, that my overwhelming feeling toward my mother was that I wanted to pick her up like a baby and hold her, rock her, soothe her and energize her back to health.
    When she is feeling physically better, as she is now, a different facet of her dependence glitters. Although she appears, in the morning, to resist my attempts to get her moving, when she is feeling good I can physically feel her feeding off my energy to rouse herself. When she awakens into a "bad" day, though, and I am reluctant to support her lethargy, I can physically feel her blocking my energy output. The day before yesterday involved the strongest blocking I've ever felt from her. It was so strong that I backed off. At that level of strength I assume that her internal drive knows for sure what she needs on that day and it will fight me in any way it can. Today though, although slow, she is not fighting me. She is "leaning" on my energy to get her going.
    Regarding "my audience": I'm aware, from keeping on eye on my stats, that my visitors are few and far between. On those pages which seem to be noticed by bots when someone is searching for medical information (specifically the pages on her meds and her test results), rarely do they get more than a few hits a day. Even my sisters are not regular visitors.
    I'm not discouraged. I feel the pressure of my audience, I hear its questions and comments as I write. I don't yet feel like I'm neglecting them by not going out of my way to publicize this site but I know I have an audience, I know that most of that audience remains unaware of my site and I'm not bothered by this. I would publicize the site more heavily if I had the time to seek out appropriate "Links" pages but I'm also aware, from my brief attempt when I began this site, that other sites that would invite mine have trouble with two aspects: The first being the effusiveness of my site, the second being lack of time to update their "Links" pages. To date I've applied to four appropriate sites. One replied several months ago that they would be "honored" to list me, yet have not updated their links page since. Two others did not respond. One listed me but under an obscure heading. Eldercare and the reporting of it is a dicey exercise for everyone, at this time, especially if one decides to do it as effusively and meticulously as me. Most of the people who might find my site interesting also don't have the time to negotiate all the words. Don't ask me why, but I'm fine with this.
    Mom is breakfasted, dressed and is brushing her teeth in preparation for our day cleaning her room. "Now is the time..."
- posted by gail rae @ 11:54  0 comments   email...this post

 
Maybe it was that I finally accepted Mom's winning yesterday...
...maybe it was that I finally replenished my supply of Black Cohosh after having been out for 5 days. Whatever the reason, today went well.
    I have little time to report tonight so I'll cover today tomorrow for my audience...I say that with a Cheshire grin. My audience. This is a reminder to myself to talk about my audience.
    Good night.
- posted by gail rae @ 22:31  0 comments   email...this post

 
I was determined to get Mom moving, today. She was determined to stay in bed.
    She won.
    I was, as usual, a poor loser.
    When I am a poor loser regarding my mother's life it is because I run scared when I can't get her moving for a few or more days. I ran scared today.
    Everything was fine at first. I allowed her to awaken at her discretion. Fixed breakfast, laid out the day (all the errands that have been stacking up over the last few days, that I've been insisting on holding until I can get her going with me, which have now become urgent), she sounded interested. Then she balked at the bath. I have never seen her more determined than she was today except when she simply refuses to get out of bed. Her color was good, all her numbers were good but she simply, again, is out of the habit of moving much. It only takes her a few days to get out of the habit.
    At first I bribed. Then I teased. Then I cajoled. Then I spat hard reality at her. The less she moves the weaker she becomes, I pointed out, like today, she was already weaving down the hall rather than walking as she moved from dining room to bathroom. I asked her if she was ready to sleep her way into death, if she wanted to do that now. I repeated that, as I've promised, I would protect her. She denied this. I told her we were headed down exactly the same path that caused her ill health this last year. When she didn't respond to this and we were facing off like bull and toreador I finally broke.
    "Okay. To hell with you," I said. "I've got stuff to do to keep our households running until you die. Do what you want. I don't care. I'll be gone for several hours. You're on your own."
    I left. My errands included a personal stop at a friend's home who needed help on her computer but I'd put her off in lieu of the days I had planned on getting my mother out. I spent a few hours there then ran our errands and didn't get back until just before 1800.
    She was up. She called to me tentatively as I came in the door and told me she was worried about me being gone.
    I was brusque with her. I didn't want to repeat everything I'd said this morning about where I went and what I did so I told her that I was sorry she couldn't remember what happened this morning and why I was gone but I wasn't in the mood to repeat it. I took her blood sugar, asked her if she ate, although I could tell she hadn't, nor had she been drinking any fluids. I made dinner, administered her meds, badgered her to drink water all evening, which she did, as I verbally directed her to pick up her glass and take another swallow. Other than that, we left each other alone for most of the evening.
    When she decided to go to bed I apologized to her for my heavy handed treatment. I also told her I was scared that we were headed down exactly the same road that caused the entire last year, which she did not enjoy. She of course, said, "No, nothing's going to happen." But, stuff does happen regardless of what she thinks or says, and it happens to her, and I can only do so much about getting her out and moving.
    I'm getting so tired of battling her to get her moving. Even when a day turns out well and she thanks me for pushing her, even though she tells me, as she did tonight, that she needs me to push her, I'm getting tired of it and the reward of seeing her respond is wearing thin. It is almost too thin, now, to make up for the daily morning battles.
- posted by gail rae @ 23:26  0 comments   email...this post

 
Although the day held early promise...
...Mom, as it turns out, was almost immovable. I did manage to get her out once after breakfast when we picked up one of her prescriptions. I insisted she go along just to get her dressed and turned out. It was a very short trip, involved almost no walking and Mom went to bed shortly thereafter without deigning acknowledge my argument against napping so soon after arising.
    I decided our trip to Costco and to check out a motel for MCS & BIL could wait until tomorrow. Yesterday some out of town friends visited and, among other much appreciated items and food, left several very soft peaches that needed to be used. I made them into cobbler this afternoon. Since Mom's blood glucose was so good when she awoke ready for lunch and all we were having was cobbler (much to her delight), I thought 425 mg metformin would do the trick. She ended up this evening, before a deli sandwich dinner from yesterday's leftovers, on the high side so I gave her 850 mg metformin. I think the order of those two doses should have been reversed. I'll remember this the next time I treat her to a dessert meal. The metformin works best with the 'forbidden' food.
    I did manage to keep her up from our late lunch time on but she did not want to play any board games, didn't read, didn't pay attention to TV and clearly resented being kept up except when she was eating. Some days just aren't worth getting up for, from my mother's perspective, I guess, and today was one of those days.
    Tomorrow, I've told her, will be a no excuses day unless something happens that requires her hospitalization.
    She laughed.
- posted by gail rae @ 22:55  0 comments   email...this post

 
The Saga of Ellen
    This is not strictly a Mom & Me circumstance, but a while ago I wrote a story about the "Ellen" in the title of this post. A character in the story named "Sam" is the disguise for my mother. The story is, essentially, true.
    Some of the people who are apt to visit this site, mostly relatives, are very familiar with The Saga of Ellen. There is another development that occurred last night that all who follow this saga will find interesting:
    I was beginning to think that Ellen may have moved out of the neighborhood. Night before last, though, she showed up at the door. She asked why we'd been gone so long, expressed concern about my mother's health and said she hoped I was taking care of her, which I assured her I was. Then she asked for a cigarette, which I politely refused by telling her, "No, Ellen, we've talked about that before," and she left.
    Last night, late, just as I was publishing updates, I heard scuffling at the front screened door to my right by about 7 feet. I looked out and saw what appeared to be a human figure in white moving back and forth right in front of our door.
    I rushed outside and discovered it was Ellen, headed back down our driveway, one of our garbage bags in hand, which she had obviously stolen from our garbage bin right by the front door.
    I yelled at her to bring the garbage back. She offered, over her quickly retreating shoulder, that she would throw it away at her house, as though she was doing me some kind of favor.
    I immediately called the police. An officer who was familiar with Ellen and her Saga in arrived 10 minutes later. We compared histories. I knew some of his, he knew some of ours. I mentioned that I knew she was a difficult case because she'd been picked up several times and, except for prowling, up to now she hasn't broken any laws in her dealings with us, she's just a nuisance. I actually didn't mind, I told him, that some of our garbage was going to be thrown away in her can because, moving back in and all, we've got more garbage than we can handle right now. Until it's on the street curb, though, t is our garbage, she is stealing, and suppose there was sensitive material in the garbage?
    The officer decided that it was time to get serious and bring what law can be brought to bear on her. I was relieved he said this. He suggested as a first step that I swear out a "No Trespassing" citation for a year from the date of issue that bars her from our property. If and when she appears on our property, I would call the police (on the non-emergency number, I noted) and they will dispatch a unit out to "take care of it."
    It sounds like a mini-restraining order. Neither I nor the officer are willing to predict what this will accomplish. He did not indicate whether anyone else in the neighborhood had taken such a step, although I can imagine that the neighbor portrayed as "Daniel" in my story probably has. He was pretty proactive and he and his wife remain in the neighborhood.
    The officer filled me in on a bit more of Ellen's background. She does, indeed, live with her mother and she has and lives with a 14 year old daughter who is aware of her mother's "condition". The head of the household, Ellen's mother, does indeed work, often evening and night shifts. She rations Ellen's cigarettes to two a day for financial reasons. The officer said the mother suggested that Ellen has a highly addictive character and would chain smoke them into financial ruin if she were allowed.
    I told the officer of the length of our history with Ellen (since 1998, I believe), some of the ins and outs, and about the story the entire experience prompted me to write. We were both jovial over the entire experience. The officer, much to my relief after years of ineffective measures, took last night's incident much more seriously than I expected, especially when I told him about having car batteries drained on nights when I'd forget to lock a stray door, she'd discover it, prowl through the car for cigarettes and leave the car door slightly ajar to avoid making noise (which she clearly did not attempt to avoid last night).
    At any rate, The Saga of Ellen continues but, at this point, to my amusement. Some things never change. I have visions of Ellen and her mother dying here, Ellen's daughter, about whom the officer said, "seems smart enough", leaving then coming back throughout her life at critical moments in her mother's and grandmother's lives.
    Hmmmm....
- posted by gail rae @ 12:33  0 comments   email...this post

 
An Administrative Note
    As of this moment Mom has not yet arisen, despite the full retraction of her window shades and one hazy bathroom visit around 0800. As I publish this I'll be awakening her to start our day. We've got a few things to do that involve movement and I'm going to see about getting her to bathe. Should be a busy day.
- posted by gail rae @ 10:00  0 comments   email...this post

 
Check out today's blood glucose numbers...
...at Ain't She 2 Sweet - 2003. I think I'm finally getting the hang of moderating my mother's blood sugar. I'm feeling pretty good about the at-the-moment decisions I made about medication versus food intake versus what of both I could and couldn't realistically moderate. It all seemed to work. It looks as though yesterday worked, too. Now, if my developing skills work well for me tomorrow I'll feel as though I'm beginning to understand Adult Onset When Elderly Type 2 Diabetes.
    I have a few other modulation tricks, one of which I'm using tomorrow morning. In this house I can moderate the amount of light coming directly in her window with the sunrise. On mornings when I feel as though sleeping in would do her no harm the shade hangs lower the previous evening. When I need her to get up 'of her own accord' earlier, the shade is raised a bit. Days always go better when they begin 'of her own accord', so anything that nudges the process is welcome.
- posted by gail rae @ 22:26  0 comments   email...this post

 
Flaking off yesterday apparently did no harm.
    I'm pleased, too, that it turned out well because I learned some minute lessons about managing blood sugar and b.s. meds (pun unintended but appropriate) on the fly. I was able to apply those lessons today.
    Because her readings were bit higher than normal today, and I knew there was a likelihood that she'd be consuming refined sugar this afternoon, I started her off with a light breakfast of cottage cheese, toast, orange juice, 500 mg metformin, a Detrol and one iron pill (she seemed a bit peaked). Company arrived soon after and she drank water and smoked and watched us put together and raise the unusually complicated shade umbrella in the back. Most of her day was spent sitting and visiting. When groups of us went on property surveys she remained in the domesticated part of the yard. I made sure that she got sick and tired of me reminding her to drink water.
    She measured in normal at lunch and grabbed for a root beer with sugar, as well as a hearty deli lunch with beans, potato salad and a meat and cheese sandwich, so I gave her 1000 mg metformin. If she comes in low normal tonight I'll hold off the metformin and see how she measures in the morning.
    She loved having company and observed (which both of us have noticed many times) how it is that we get more company here than in Mesa. She additionally observed that this house seems to "like company" more than the house in Mesa (I would have to agree with her); "It's inviting in a way that house in Mt. Vernon [Iowa],"
    "Uh, that's Mesa, Mom..."
    "Oh, that's right...in Mesa, what was I saying? Oh, yes, that house in Mesa isn't very inviting. Not like this one."
    "Yes. I know." That's all I said. I don't want to agitate her. She's already testing the waters surrounding getting rid of the Mesa house and moving up here permanently. I'll just let her sit with this for awhile.
    It is true, we do have company planned through the next several weekends. One weekend will probably be pretty hearty, too.
    She's napping, now, with oxygen, but she's "warned" me to let her sleep no later than 1930, 2000 "at the latest." She was quite stiff today (no wonder, considering how much of the last two days she's spent in bed) so I gave her two ibuprofen before she laid down and, amazingly, she took them, so I know she was feeling uncomfortably stiff. She should feel much better at 1930, 2200 "at the latest".
- posted by gail rae @ 18:51  0 comments   email...this post

 
I will, today, be taking numbers.
    Company is coming, as well, so I may not post them until much later. I'm feeling better, am not overwhelmed that I did not prepare for the company.
    Mom's been up once and went immediately back to bed. She looked good, said she felt, "...O.K., neither good nor bad." We can live with that. She is looking forward to company. So am I. I don't care how the house looks. This is company that not only won't care, they may find the mess intriguing.
    I have no idea what to expect from Mom's numbers today but I'm not worried enough to monitor what she eats, either. I think she'll be fine. I think we both needed a true day of rest from monitoring.
- posted by gail rae @ 08:19  0 comments   email...this post