Although we had planned to visit the strangely-built new mall...
...in Prescott today, Mom awoke with the intention of "attacking" her room and that's fine with me. She's moving slowly as usual but seems devoted to remaining "up on end" (one of her historically famous phrases) so this seems like a good day to get her room in order and begin going through her stuff.
    Since we're remaining home and I won't need to negotiate her blood glucose levels through eating at a restaurant or, for that matter, peach cobbler, the rest of which has been frozen, I've decided to try a day without metformin to see how it goes. I'll also be starting her on a modified regimen of detox tea put out by Yogi Tea. I used it briefly a while back and wasn't able to determine whether it helped her but I've been thinking, since I'm using more metformin on her than I anticipated or like using, it might help keep her liver and kidneys in line. The link above goes right to the type of tea I'll be using, which advertises itself as a liver and kidney purifier. I will, of course, report on any determined or assumed effects.
    Regarding our "bad" day, immediately followed by a "good" day: I'm critically aware of how my mood affects my mother's mood. Although typically not affected by other people's moods, the older my mother gets and the more dependent she becomes on those surrounding her, the more likely she is to react, in very subtle ways, to other people's moods, most especially mine. I've learned (and am still learning, obviously) to try to modify what I broadcast at her because she is extraordinarily dependent on me.
    It is extremely interesting for me to become acquainted with my mother as a person dependent on others, as this is a striking change in her life-long approach to life. I am by nature extremely emotional. The control I exert over my emotions is, most of the time, to simply let them flow and express them. Thus, when my mother's dependence is at a high level I allow myself to be deeply affected by her and I show it. I remember some months ago when we were going through one of the worst episodes of her recent and difficult year-long health negotiation, I was so caught up in caring meticulously for my mother that I confided to her Mesa hairdresser, who is also a good friend, that my overwhelming feeling toward my mother was that I wanted to pick her up like a baby and hold her, rock her, soothe her and energize her back to health.
    When she is feeling physically better, as she is now, a different facet of her dependence glitters. Although she appears, in the morning, to resist my attempts to get her moving, when she is feeling good I can physically feel her feeding off my energy to rouse herself. When she awakens into a "bad" day, though, and I am reluctant to support her lethargy, I can physically feel her blocking my energy output. The day before yesterday involved the strongest blocking I've ever felt from her. It was so strong that I backed off. At that level of strength I assume that her internal drive knows for sure what she needs on that day and it will fight me in any way it can. Today though, although slow, she is not fighting me. She is "leaning" on my energy to get her going.
    Regarding "my audience": I'm aware, from keeping on eye on my stats, that my visitors are few and far between. On those pages which seem to be noticed by bots when someone is searching for medical information (specifically the pages on her meds and her test results), rarely do they get more than a few hits a day. Even my sisters are not regular visitors.
    I'm not discouraged. I feel the pressure of my audience, I hear its questions and comments as I write. I don't yet feel like I'm neglecting them by not going out of my way to publicize this site but I know I have an audience, I know that most of that audience remains unaware of my site and I'm not bothered by this. I would publicize the site more heavily if I had the time to seek out appropriate "Links" pages but I'm also aware, from my brief attempt when I began this site, that other sites that would invite mine have trouble with two aspects: The first being the effusiveness of my site, the second being lack of time to update their "Links" pages. To date I've applied to four appropriate sites. One replied several months ago that they would be "honored" to list me, yet have not updated their links page since. Two others did not respond. One listed me but under an obscure heading. Eldercare and the reporting of it is a dicey exercise for everyone, at this time, especially if one decides to do it as effusively and meticulously as me. Most of the people who might find my site interesting also don't have the time to negotiate all the words. Don't ask me why, but I'm fine with this.
    Mom is breakfasted, dressed and is brushing her teeth in preparation for our day cleaning her room. "Now is the time..."
- posted by gail rae @ 11:54   email...this post