To MFASRF: Death of Siblings, One Generation Removed
    My mother just mentioned that, "I'd sure like to spend tomorrow getting a hold of MS."
    Startled me. I didn't think before I said, "That might be a little hard, seeing as how MS is dead."
    I honestly thought it was a slip of her tongue, but her expression told me it was a slip of her mind. I decided, instead of allowing this to descend into a horrid little out of control game, I'd better catch her up, fast. MDU is dead.
    Nobody had told her, she insisted.
    One of her older cousins died last September. News to her. What about MS's daughter? Good question; last we tried her, her phone had been disconnected. I didn't add that for all I knew she might be dead. It's true, though. Her health was not good. At all.
    I remember the first few times my grandmother forgot that people were dead. I mean, really forgot, like, not being able to be reminded, it was new information, as though these people had just died.
    I shuddered.
    This morning I was exulting with the woman who barbers my hair and does my mother's hair about how Mom not only remembered we had spent Easter at MPS's, she remembered she'd had a good time and that the entree was pork roast. She decided to call MPS Monday night and thank her for having us over. MPS was so surprised that she called me back to make sure "everything was all right."
    Mom now is sitting here eating cheese. She just said, "You know, now, I knew that MS was [pause] gone." Her voice sounds like it's clouding a little. "I just didn't want to remember."
    So, now she's remembering. Wow. So, I say, "That's okay. It's not something that's fun to remember."
    "Well," she says, "I've got to."
    "Don't worry about it, then, I'll remind you."
    She looks at me like she is focusing on me, trying to remember what are the best settings through which to view me. "Well, I just hope you don't forget."
    She's staring out the window now. Her eyes aren't sugar coated, but the drape is drawn.
    So do I, MFASRF. So do I.
- posted by gail rae @ 23:29  0 comments   email...this post

 
To MFASRF: Interesting side-story...
...to show you how unreligious our family has become: The setting; family dinner with MPS and family. Just after all the food had been arranged around the table and everyone had slid into their chairs and hands were reaching across the table for serving platters, for some unknown reason MPBIL, who is an atheist and who hates the idea of public prayer on principle, asks (almost like a subconscious burp) if "we should say a blessing".
    We all looked at each other, stunned in mid-reach. Including my mother, who said, "No, I don't think that'll be necessary."
    Then, MPS and MPNP laughed and dinner began.
- posted by gail rae @ 04:07  0 comments   email...this post

 
To MFASRF: I remember...
...when my mother lost her brother, two years older, in the mid 1970's, I think, with whom she was much closer than with Jean, I realized that, for me to lose any of my sisters, regardless of how close I was with any of then at any particular time, it would be as though I awoke one morning and the sky was orange. All day. Every day. From then on.
- posted by gail rae @ 19:46  0 comments   email...this post

 
To MFASRF: Yesterday it was official.
    Mom said, "I think it's about time we think about going up to Prescott for awhile."
    So, it is, again, okay for us to own that house. I imagine we'll get there some time within the first two weeks of May.
    I have to tell you, her proactive PCP has managed her into "blood sugar control". It's wonderful. Even though I stopped obsessively monitoring her blood sugar a while back, I don't have to any longer. In fact, sometimes she even should eat sugar. Bringing her blood sugar under control has really leveled out her appetite. We have Cobb Salads (my version), once a week, sometimes twice. One way or another we have vegetables which she eats willingly at every meal. I often pickle a lot of lightly steamed vegetables, cool them and serve those, which she loves. She is not a candy addict anymore. She doesn't even ask to buy it. She appreciates a well turned sweet, much more than me, but she is making interesting choices in sweets, now.
    Income tax, although blessedly easy, was also torturous. I now know exactly how much we lost. We are getting back a sizeable refund, some of which is being dumped into our checking account, some of which is being used to pay my mother's estimated income taxes through September of this year. We changed her entire portfolio from high/mid cap mutuals out of which dividends were being deducted every month (which has entailed, for the last year or so, the sale of stock instead of the liquidation of dividends) to an annuity, which took effect this month. Because that involved sale of stocks performing poorly we will no doubt have a light tax year this year. It has, occasionally, occurred to me that one of the houses is going to have to go and, unfortunately for Mom, financially the Mesa house would be the logical choice to sell since it's not real estate and will always depreciate. But, right now, I'm not considering that. MA has complimented me over and over this year for my tax savvy last year. Now that I know more, though, I see that I merely patched things up. I didn't have control of much. I didn't start understanding my mother's stock portfolio until it was too late. I have a better understanding of it now, but it is primarily intuitive. I can carry on a meaningful conversation with MFA and even attempt creative input. He is very realistic, he has told my mother twice this year, "Frankly, I didn't expect you to live this long. Believe me, your money will outlive you in a conservative annuity. You don't need to gamble anymore." My mother may be slipping, but she still keeps her ear to the financial ground. I make the final decisions, now, but she still signs the documents.
- posted by gail rae @ 09:06  0 comments   email...this post