In response to MFASRF:
    "You know, you seem to be handling your mother so much better these days. I don't mean 'handling' her, but rather dealing with the internal conflicts that caring for her brings up. Is that true?"
    Yes. It has not been a conscious process and has been incremental. Some of it, too, has been the alleviating of the severe stress over my mother's volcanic finances over the last year (and her volcanic personal business). I am pleased to find that my hard fought/hard won decisions were right. It was a trial by fire but I had a lot of valuable information branded into me. That, too, is an area where attitude helps. I tend to fight attitude changes, first...and then surrender. That's pretty much what I did, here.
    My mother is a fertile breeding ground for the emotional development of those closely involved with her. I know that the intensity of my relationship is unusual, although more and more heard of, but rarely as intense as I'm living it. I have to go back a half century to a century to find common duplicates of what I'm doing. I have yet to lose track of the fact that I am living an extraordinary opportunity, here, that just fell into my lap. Having decided this helps. The truth, MFASRF, is that I don't recall ever pulling myself together. It has occurred to me that I may have been experiencing some menopausal hysteria but, considering my situation, that seems to be only a factor, not an explanation. What period of life doesn't have its special sensitivities, anyway?!?
    If you are wondering about my will to live, it seems stronger. I am truly surprised about this. I have no explanation for it, but I am grateful. For awhile, there, I felt like I was riding the rim of hell, as in Dante's Inferno.
- posted by gail rae @ 21:16  0 comments   email...this post

 
To MFASRF: One thing in passing...
...since it is on my mind. I have noticed, as well, that I am much calmer, or, how did you put it, I'll check tomorrow, about my mother's situation, including and especially the business shit. It is still shit but I am learning how to wade in it.
    My mother's slightly increasing alertness, too, seems to account for some of my relaxation. When someone slips mentally, the effort to companionate them increases exponentially. Go does the creativity required to keep up (and, yes, since it involves advanced age, it is "keep[ing] up") with them. So, every little bit of clarity, on their part, for whatever reason, helps.
- posted by gail rae @ 11:55  0 comments   email...this post

 
To MFASRF: We are getting a new phone number today.
    It's rather a celebratory day for Mom. We had the option to keep our number and I thought we probably should, to keep from confusing Mom. I was very careful to discuss it with her. She's delighted to change it. She acknowledged that she has forgotten our phone numbers, anyway, and seems to think changing her phone number is similar to a societal debut. She's such a funny woman, MFASRF!
    When I pointed out that all her older relatives in Iowa and South Dakota might have trouble remembering the number change she said, "It'll do them good! They need to be shaken up!"
- posted by gail rae @ 08:11  0 comments   email...this post