In response to MFASRF:
    "You know, you seem to be handling your mother so much better these days. I don't mean 'handling' her, but rather dealing with the internal conflicts that caring for her brings up. Is that true?"
    Yes. It has not been a conscious process and has been incremental. Some of it, too, has been the alleviating of the severe stress over my mother's volcanic finances over the last year (and her volcanic personal business). I am pleased to find that my hard fought/hard won decisions were right. It was a trial by fire but I had a lot of valuable information branded into me. That, too, is an area where attitude helps. I tend to fight attitude changes, first...and then surrender. That's pretty much what I did, here.
    My mother is a fertile breeding ground for the emotional development of those closely involved with her. I know that the intensity of my relationship is unusual, although more and more heard of, but rarely as intense as I'm living it. I have to go back a half century to a century to find common duplicates of what I'm doing. I have yet to lose track of the fact that I am living an extraordinary opportunity, here, that just fell into my lap. Having decided this helps. The truth, MFASRF, is that I don't recall ever pulling myself together. It has occurred to me that I may have been experiencing some menopausal hysteria but, considering my situation, that seems to be only a factor, not an explanation. What period of life doesn't have its special sensitivities, anyway?!?
    If you are wondering about my will to live, it seems stronger. I am truly surprised about this. I have no explanation for it, but I am grateful. For awhile, there, I felt like I was riding the rim of hell, as in Dante's Inferno.
- posted by gail rae @ 21:16   email...this post