Two Readings
    I took two A.M. readings today. The first time she awoke I knew, from her determined voice, that she was not going to remain up. She wasn't ready. I took a reading anyway, just to see if her recent A.M. spiking changes drastically from hour to hour if she arises then goes back to bed, then arises again a few hours later. The difference was only four points. I've gotten four points difference on two readings taken because I wasn't sure I got a good reading the first time. So it appears she's steady as she goes in the morning.
    I gave her a metformin because I determined it is going to be a legitimate slow day. What's the difference? An illegitimate slow day is slow because she's been legitimately slow for a few days (or illegitimately slow and just too stubborn for me). I can tell when she needs to have a fire lit under her because of her grogginess, both physically and mentally. On a legitimately slow day she isn't groggy physically, just slow; she isn't groggy mentally, just somewhere else in time. Usually I can figure out which one it is before in depth conversation begins. Today, though, I wasn't so sure.
    "What do we have to do, today?" she asks, an edge to her voice that tells me she is thinking about going back to bed yet a second time this morning.
    "What do you want to do? It's a holiday. We can do almost anything."
    "As little as possible."
    "Does it feel like a slow day to you?" Usually I don't ask her. The system works better if I figure it out. Today though, because her demeanor is dreamy rather than lethargic, I decided to consult her.
    "I think so," she said, "a day for watching more than doing."
    After breakfast she picked up an 8x10 framed picture of her and her deceased sister and gazed at it.
    "Anything in particular on your mind?" I asked.
    "I was just thinking, this is such of good picture of [MS] and me."
    "Yes, it is."
    "I don't even remember when it was taken. [MS] and I are the last two left of the immediate family. We need a new one."
    This is what I mean by legitimate slow. "Well, Mom, that might be a little difficult, seeing as how [MS] is dead."
    She stared at me, startled, then almost immediately her memories came out from behind the clouds. She smiled, ruefully. "Yes, that would be hard."
    I asked her if, of everyone who had died, [MS] was the person she missed the most.
    "Yes," she said, "we had plans."
    And, they did. They were going to retire together, after their husbands died, to the Eastern Star Home in Phoenix. They had looked at the place, made plans for their rooms which would be adjoining and suited with a door between each. Although Mom felt she no longer wanted to live alone and asked me to come live with her long before any of us knew that [MS] would be dead before 2000, I know she and [MS] continued to talk about this possibility for a long time. They shared visions of what they would do and where they would go when they aged together.
    She's talked to one of her granddaughters and the related daughter today and was so far off she wasn't listening to what they were saying. She stayed on for a few minutes then, in the case of MPS, in the middle of a sentence being spoken to her said, "Well, here's Gail," and passed the phone to me. After I talked to both for a long time Mom asked me about the news but she just wasn't in the mood to hear it directly, today; she's somewhere else.
    I'm pleased that she feels comfortable enough with me to freely go somewhere else when she needs to. If I were in her shoes I'd hate being constantly bombarded out of my reveries within the past if I were in a living situation where days when one is turned away from the here and now are considered suspect or, at the least, to be avoided at all costs. I'm also pleased that she is not in a position where she ends up doing this to the exclusion of everything else, although we've had our moments.

    Just wanted to mention, I talked to our yardman, who is Mom's age, today. He mentioned he is on daily iron tablets "too". Mom isn't on iron right now but I'm sure she will be again. I guess iron deficiency anemia without diagnosable cause is really common in Mom's age group. I know it can be addressed without diagnosis. This makes me feel a bit better about not pursuing anymore internal studies for the time being.
    I'm waiting for someone to make it down the mountain through the inevitably horrible down-the-mountain traffic, so I may check in and out of here, this afternoon and evening.
    Later.
- posted by gail rae @ 15:06   email...this post