The first words on my mother's lips, this morning, were,
    "I want to go see a doctor before we go to Prescott to make sure the altitude won't hurt me."
    "Mom, that's what we did on August 14. You were cleared then. You aren't feeling worse, are you?"
    "No, I just want to make sure."
    "Mom, we're sure. Everyone's sure. I know you aren't but we cannot continue to see the doctors you normally don't want to see just so you can look for more excuses not to go to Prescott. Over the last few days you've been anxious to go to Prescott. I know you go back and forth. What's changed this morning, for you?"
    "Nothing."
    "Well, in that case, I can't deal with what has changed since you aren't copping to it so we're going to proceed as we've planned."
    I actually know that she's still having the same emotional problem with Prescott: She simply can't break with the dread she used to feel when she made extended visits to her parents when they lived there. I know all the other details, too, including the business details. I know my details about Prescott, as well, and consider them legitimate. I know it would be simpler if we just sold the place. I know, too, that Mom would start agitating for another place to which she could "get away" and I'm not going to go through that again. Prescott is the territory within which we'll work this through. That's my decision. I don't care to consider anymore how "fair" my decision is to my mother. I'm dealing with someone who is, now, much more vulnerable to whims than she used to be and her whims are no longer well thought out, well felt out or well managed. So we'll do it my way.
    Something I've been meaning to mention: I intend to slowly work away from the incessant finger punchings of obsessive blood glucose testings as soon as I figure out the flow to what happens within her and what we can do about it. My mother is getting tired of being punched (especially now that she feels it). I'm getting tired of following her around with a finger puncher. My intention is for my need for her blood glucose readings to level off once I get a handle on all this.
    On a hunch from a look at her face I decided to give her an iron tablet this morning. I'm not sure whether she 'needs' it, from an anemia standpoint, but I'll be able to tell later from her redness whether it was necessary. Determining what to do medically from observation of a loved one never really reaches an end point. But it does become automatic after awhile, which helps. And, it feels very good to develop this sort of skill.
- posted by gail rae @ 10:22   email...this post