This Is Going to Be a Sleep Day
    I find days like this frustrating, although they are happening more frequently. There are times when she wants to take to her bed out of boredom, says so, and I try (and sometimes manage) to tempt her to remain awake. Sometimes, though, like today, she simply will not be moved.
    She is getting a bit better than she has been. A few months ago, when her health was poorer, I would have to physically push her to sit up, go to the bathroom, come out to the living room, etc. Lately, she's been much more active. She's had three days in a row when she's arisen, bathed, dressed, and either gone on appointments or to the store with me or simply stayed up. I tell myself, when a Sleep Day occurs after a day or more of activity, that she must know what she 'needs', but I still find it disconcerting that her appetite for sleep is so prodigious. She's always been a champion sleeper and napper. Her ability to relax into Morpheus' cradle is legendary in our family. Our cats consider her an Honorary Cat because she sleeps so much and can't wait for her to head for her bedroom or settle into a prone position on the couch. I, however, am not thrilled when she needs so much sleep. During her recent period of near constant sleep she began having regular bowel accidents when she was up. It was as though her body was saying, "Look, lady. If you aren't going to get up enough so I can function at your convenience, I'll just function whenever I feel like it." She is uncomfortable when this happens, in part because she has trouble cleaning up so I insist on doing all the cleaning, of her person, her clothes and any areas that are affected. She, however, much to my relief, is not embarrassed that I am finding myself cleaning up after her. I discovered, after her first bowel accident some time ago, that I am completely comfortable with and practical about clean-up and don't have a problem contemplating this activity.
    I have cautioned her, on occasion, that her sleep habits, in conjunction with her low liquid intake (I spend a lot of time pushing liquids on her) have something to do with her ability to control her bowels. When she is feeling relatively good this makes sense to her and she heeds this advice as cautionary. When she isn't feeling good, though, she doesn't really care where or when she shits.
    As well, I worry that allowing her to sleep, when I simply can't get her out of bed, is undermining her determination to remain alive and her health as she continues. Then, the day after a Sleep Day, she perks up and is amenable to being awake, and my anxiety subsides.
    A month or so ago, when we were involved in a days' long major sleep-or-not-to-sleep battle, I told her that if she ever feels as though she wants to go to bed and sleep her way to her death I will allow her to, I will see to it that she is comfortable and I will protect her while she does this. "You'll have to let me know, though, Mom, if and when you want to do this. Otherwise, I'm going to assume that you are still interested in waking up for another day." She understood and agreed with me. Since then, I have twice asked her if she was ready to do this, and both times she has answered, "No, not this time."
    My hope is that, if and when she decides to sleep herself to her grave, she will be able to signal this to me in some way. I think, if she is unable to, I'll be able to tell, but it would be nice to think that, in some way, she will be able to activate our agreement with a sign that I will readily understand.
- posted by gail rae @ 16:14   email...this post