Busy day, busy afternoon, busy evening...
...gone for most of it, Mom was for some of it. We managed to get through what is now yesterday without her remembering the planned visit to See's, which is fine with me. I know it will happen, eventually. Later is better. The last time she overindulged in chocolate I spent half a day cleaning her shit from the carpet. I think I'm better at monitoring her, now. I guess we'll find out.
    I left my mother alone for awhile this evening. She was alert when I left and still awake when I returned, TV jabbering in the background while she read East of Eden. I'd had an ambivalent evening, socially, which sometimes goes hand in hand with involving oneself with intense caretaking on behalf of a relative. It's easy for people of one's opposing gender to downplay one's devotion to it, or to question the sanity of one's devotion, or to quote Guy de Maupassant. At the very least, someone often ends up getting their feelings hurt.
    That isn't, strictly, what happened tonight, but it was insinuated throughout the evening that my attention was wavering and it shouldn't be.
    It is a blessing of sorts that I no longer have the emotional energy required to feel threatened. And, apparently, I wasn't appealing enough, tonight, to be consoled.
    But, the home fires burned warm, tonight, and I'm feeling neither raw nor calloused.
- posted by gail rae @ 02:04   email...this post